Sam and Shaan play a rap-battle-style game pitching made-up corporate slang terms that they think should exist. Each host takes turns coining new phrases — from “bubble wrap” (handle an employee with extra care) to “synstorm” (a five-minute sync meeting) to “BS bingo” — debating which ones would actually stick in the real world.
Speakers: Shaan Puri (host), Sam Parr (host)
The Setup: Coining New Corporate Slang [00:00:00]
Shaan: I was sitting in a meeting, and there was somebody who was prolific. Like, if Kendrick Lamar wore a suit and sold B2B software, that was this guy. This guy had lyrics — he was lyrical with his corporate slang. And it got me thinking about epic corporate slang, some of my favorite greatest hits. I just started thinking, you know, we need some more.
So I wanted to play a little game with you. I texted you this — I said, I want you to think of corporate slang that doesn’t exist but should. Because we’re innovators here on the podcast, and I want to come up with some slang. I think it would be a fun claim to fame if we could just make something stick. So I say we go back and forth like a rap battle. Corporate slang that doesn’t exist but should.
Sam: All right. You have more than me — I came with about four or five. You have a bunch of them. This is right near your wheelhouse. Let’s see what we can do.
One Man’s Thanksgiving [00:00:55]
Shaan: All right, so the first one is: “One man’s Thanksgiving is another man’s Thursday.”
This is for any situation where somebody’s really excited about something that, to you, is just normal or even lame. Hey, it’s their Thanksgiving — it might just be Thursday to you. It’s kind of a way to throw shade in a corporate setting when somebody’s overly excited about something that’s actually just average. You just say, “Hey man, one man’s Thanksgiving is another man’s Thursday.” You plant that seed and leave it with them, and they’ll realize later that they just had shade thrown at them.
And when someone is like, “Wait, what?” you’re like, “Wait, you don’t know what that means?” Yeah. It’s just one of those things they say.
Sam: Yeah. Like when I was a kid, I thought it was “go out there and break an egg,” not “break a leg,” you know what I mean? So we’ll make that a phrase. Or instead of “catlike reflexes,” I thought it was “Cadillac reflexes.”
Shaan: These aren’t even corporate — these are just like stutters you had.
Sam: Yeah, yeah. So I used to say for years, “Go out there, have fun, break an egg.” So that’s how you need to use this phrase.
Bubble Wrap [00:02:05]
Sam: All right, I got one. We’re gonna call it “bubble wrap.” As in, do you have any employees who are overly sensitive, and when you bring news to them you have to think: how are we going to phrase this? Like, we gotta bubble wrap this.
Yeah — “All right, we have to tell this guy about this thing, but we gotta bubble wrap his ass. We gotta bubble wrap this phrasing and figure out how we can deliver this so it doesn’t totally crush him.” Instead of just saying, “Hey, we’re not doing that anymore, your idea sucked” — we gotta bubble wrap it.
Shaan: Okay, so it’s like — I like what you’re saying, you’re right, but we’re gonna need to bubble wrap that before it goes out.
Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to say it in a more sensitive way so as not to freak a particular person out. Because that person — when you talk to him, you gotta bubble wrap him before you talk to him.
Shaan: I like that. That’s strong.
Alohamora [00:03:10]
Shaan: All right, I got another one. “Alohamora.”
Making email intros sucks. I hate doing it. It’s like, “Oh, can you introduce me to this person?” And I gotta say, “Hey Bob, meet me — Shaan. He’s this guy, he’s this guy…” I’m shortening it to one word. We’re using the Harry Potter word — it’s the spell that unlocks doors. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to go to an email thread, I’m just going to say, “Sam, Bob — Alohamora, fellas. I’ve unlocked the doors here, go on through.” And that’s it.
Sam: What’s that word from Harry Potter?
Shaan: It’s the spell he uses to unlock any door.
Sam: Oh my God. All right, that one’s extra nerdy.
Synstorm [00:04:05]
Shaan: All right, I’ve got another one. You know how in Google Calendar the default is typically 30 minutes? I hate that. So we’re going to use this word when it’s like, “Hey, put something on my calendar and let’s synstorm it.” By default it’s a five-minute meeting. “Let’s just synstorm it.”
People say “let’s sync up” and it’s always either a default 30 or 60 minutes. No — we’re gonna synstorm this, we’re gonna get it done in four or five minutes. “Hey, just put something on my calendar — put a little synstorm on there and we’re gonna bang this out.”
Sam: I love it. Because the other person is going to have no idea what you mean by that, but it sounds like they’re supposed to know. They’re going to walk away like, “What the hell am I supposed to do here?”
Shaan: “We got a synstorm this summer.” It’s also nice because — it’s the equivalent of a first date where they’re like, “Let’s grab dinner,” and you’re like, “Let’s do drinks.” Yeah, yeah, yeah — you gotta synstorm it.
Crash the Boards [00:05:15]
Sam: All right, we gotta “crash the boards” here. So this is a sports one that’s going to be used in corporate settings. It’s when you’re emailing people but not following up hard enough. You’re emailing a prospect, you’re trying to do a sale, and there’s just no follow-up. So either you use it like, “Hey, I’m just crashing the boards here,” or you tell your sales team, “Hey, we really gotta crash the boards here, fellas.” And they know — that means we gotta follow up strong.
I used to use the word “Blitzkrieg” when referring to that, and then I realized that referencing World War I and World War II German military tactics probably wasn’t the best thing.
Shaan: You’re a little too blond-haired, blue-eyed to be using that one.
Sam: Yeah, yeah. So we had to bubble wrap “Blitz” and use “crashing the boards.” That’s pretty good.
Landslide [00:06:20]
Shaan: All right. You know how in a meeting, even if it’s a good idea, it still turns into a vote? Where it’s like, “Not everyone thinks that’s a good idea, so we’re not going to go with it” — even though a lot of times the non-popular choice is the right one. So what you do is get political and get people on your side before the meeting, so they vote for your idea. We’re going to call that “landsliding.”
“Look, we’re gonna have a meeting, but we gotta landslide this in advance. We gotta get everyone to vote for our side.” This idea needs to get landslided. We’re gonna call it “landslide.”
Sam: That’s powerful. I like that.
Boiling Eggs or Potatoes [00:07:10]
Sam: All right, this one is for when you have a new employee and it’s sink or swim — you need to figure out what they’re made of. “Are we boiling eggs or potatoes here?”
It’s a way to ask what someone is really made of. When you boil a potato, it starts out hard but gets soft. When you boil an egg, it starts out soft but gets hard. You want eggs — you don’t want potatoes in your company. So when times are getting tough and people are wilting, folding under the pressure, you just ask: “Are we boiling eggs or potatoes here?”
Shaan: That’s a good one. I think that’s an old phrase from the South — haven’t I heard a grandpa say that?
Sam: I have not, but maybe. I’ve been told I have an old soul, so maybe that’s where it comes from.
BS Bingo [00:08:10]
Sam: All right, this is the last one I have. We’re gonna call it “BS bingo.”
You know when you’re in a meeting and a guy is saying a lot of jargon? Or people are clearly not being honest — like, “Well, we’re doing great,” but you’re really not doing that great. So you say: “Hey, are we having a meeting about what we’re going to do, or are we just playing BS bingo and winning right now?” This meeting is just a game of BS bingo and we’re killing it.
“Shaan, you’re telling me all this — I think your board is full for BS bingo. This is just nonsense.” So we call it “BS bingo.” It’s a way to call someone out, but because it’s an alliteration it just — it bubble wraps it just enough.
Shaan: Bubble wrap is the real winner here. It sounds like… all right.
Massaging Elbows and Teaching Fish to Climb Trees [00:09:05]
Shaan: I got one last one. This is for the situation where you’re trying really hard but working on the wrong things. “Feels like we’re just massaging elbows here.” It’s when you’re working on a problem really hard, but you’re working on something that doesn’t really matter — there’s not enough meat on the bone. You’re just massaging elbows. It’s the wrong place to be applying the effort.
Sam: I like that one. But you have one more — the one about the tree. You should finalize with that.
Shaan: Yeah, so this one came from Diego. I was brainstorming with him, and he goes — okay, the phrase is: “I think we’re trying to teach a fish how to climb a tree.”
It’s when you have an employee and you’re putting them in a position that’s not really their core strength. They’re great as a fish, but they need to be in water. You’ve got a technical person on sales calls, and it’s like — we’re trying to teach a fish how to climb a tree. You’d be better off putting them in their natural environment and letting them succeed there than working against the laws of nature.
Sam: Have you used any of these phrases yet?
Shaan: I’m going to start. This was a brainstorm — this was a synstorm. And now I’m ready to start.
Sam: All right.