Nick Gray, author of The Two-Hour Cocktail Party, walks Sam and Shaan through his “Nick method” for hosting low-cost, high-value social events. He covers the N-C-K framework — name tags, conversation starters, and killer intros — and explains why hosting small events is one of the fastest ways to build social status and a valuable network. The conversation ranges from beginner icebreakers to advanced “value additive” rounds, and includes Sam’s firsthand account of watching Nick Gray parties spread organically across Austin.
Speakers: Sam Parr (host), Shaan Puri (host), Nick Gray (guest, author of The Two-Hour Cocktail Party)
The Nick Method: Overview [00:00:00]
Sam: I understand you have something called the Nick method. I don’t know what the Nick method is — what is the Nick method for hosting a party?
Nick: The main thing I want your listeners to know is that I found that interesting people want to meet people that are doing interesting things, and the fastest way to become interesting was for me to host my own events. We talked before about those business ideas that you don’t need a lot of capital for — hosting events is kind of the same way. You can do it with very little money. Each party should cost you less than $100.
These strategies start from beginner to advanced, and I’ve helped hundreds of people host their very first party using this method. The Nick method to host a party will absolutely level up your social life. I’m going to walk through this because if you do this one thing, you will level up your events to be so much better. The reason is that the bar is so low for a successful event. Think about when somebody invites you to a company happy hour — it’s just people standing around at an open bar. That’s the old way. You can do better with the Nick method.
N is for Name Tags [00:01:30]
Nick: N-C-K — like my name. The N stands for name tags. Fill out the name tags first: first name only, big block letters. The name tags I like are the Qualek 300s and the Avery 5424s. The Qualek 300s come in six different colors. They discontinued the 5420-sixes, which was really sad.
Shaan: You should completely make up the model numbers, by the way, and just see if anyone ever finds out. Like, I have an envelope — it’s a golden ticket — for the first person who realizes I was completely making up the model numbers of these name tags.
Nick: I may have gotten those model numbers wrong. Why do name tags matter?
Sam: I went to a party of yours and at first I was like, okay, this is second grade, this is cheesy — but then it was actually kind of useful. Obviously because I don’t remember a lot of people’s names. But it seems like there’s more to it than that. What’s the why behind the why?
Nick: The why behind the why is that it’s like a sports jersey — it shows everybody that we’re on the same team. Have you ever walked into an event for the first time and figured that everyone else must know each other? They must all be friends already. You feel like the outsider. When you have name tags, you show that everyone is on the same team. This is not a party of cliques — we’re all here together.
By the way, if you host meetups, you absolutely have to do name tags when you host at a bar or another public spot, so you know who is there for the meetup. Have you ever gone to a meetup at a beer garden and you’re like, “Well, who’s here for the meetup?” Amateur hour.
Sam: Name tags — I’m in.
C is for Conversation Starters (Intros) [00:03:45]
Nick: C stands for intros, or icebreakers. When I wrote the book I called them icebreakers, but there’s such a cringe reaction to that word, so now I call them intros. This can be in small groups or with your whole group together.
What’s the first thing everybody asks when they meet you? Your name, and what you do for work. We’re going to get that out of the way by having everybody say it real quick. It is important to say what people do — especially for listeners of this pod — because you never know who’s looking for a job, who wants to network, who’s working on growing their business. Those rounds of intros give your guests a conversational crutch to go up and start new conversations.
Sam: Is there a better and worse way to do those intros?
Nick: My man, of course there is. I live and breathe icebreakers. You have come to the right spot. Welcome to Nick Gray Party Icebreaker Therapy.
Here’s the deal. Do you know Stefan from SNL’s Weekend Update? That is you right now. I’m so passionate about icebreakers because I’ve seen so many bad ones. An example of a bad one: “All right everybody, team meeting — let’s go around and say one fun fact about yourself.” That’s a terrible icebreaker.
So much of my work involves making people who have social anxiety or consider themselves introverts feel more welcome. I know that some of them are going to hate the idea of intros. What they like is to know what to expect and have minimal surprises. So a green-level icebreaker at the beginning of an event — when there’s no social rapport, when people are new and a little uncomfortable — is just an easy one that doesn’t take much time.
The exact question I have most people use is: “Hey everybody, real quick — let’s just do a round of intros. Say your name, say what you do for work or how you spend your day, and then tell me one of your favorite things — one of your go-to things that you like to eat for breakfast.”
Now, that’s a bit of a red herring, because I actually don’t care about the breakfast. I want to know what they do for work. But we take the attention off it. The breakfast one works because it’s easy, it’s subjective, people don’t judge you for it, and you don’t get locked up in your head. A bad example would be: “Hey everybody, tell me your favorite business book.” Favorite is definitive. People are going to judge themselves: “Oh my God, what’s my favorite? What’s my favorite?”
So we start with a very easy one. You can do the breakfast question. If you want to make it a little edgier, you could ask people their favorite vice, or what was one of their first online screen names and why they chose it, or what was one of their first jobs they ever got paid cash money for. Those are beginner-level ones.
Sam: Can I keep going? Yes, yes — keep going.
Advanced: Value Additive Intros [00:07:30]
Nick: About an hour into the event, you want to do one more advanced round of intros. I call it a value additive intro. Value additive means that everybody’s answer adds to the benefit of the room.
For example, if Sam was hosting this in Westchester, you would say: “Hey everybody, we’re going to do our last round of icebreakers. Your question is: what is one of your Westchester pro tips, life hacks, or little secrets? A small business you support, a dog park you like, a hiking trail you enjoy — what’s the best coffee shop in town? Tell us one great thing in town that you like and want to shine a light on.”
One more example if you don’t want to focus on your town: “Hey everybody, we’re going to do a last round of intros. Share a great piece of media you’ve consumed recently — a movie, a documentary, a podcast — and tell us why you liked it.”
Then you go around the room. Why does this work? Every answer gives somebody value. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to go to that restaurant.” “Oh, I heard about that book — I want to check it out.” And you do it toward the end of your event, so people leave with all these new ideas, having met all these new people. They leave feeling better than when they showed up. That’s what a good party is.
K is for Knowing Your Room [00:09:30]
Sam: You did something at a party of yours where you were kind of lurking around, hopping from conversation to conversation. Then when you brought everybody back together, you said, “James, will you tell people that amazing email trick that really improved your open rates?” And the guy said something so useful that I was like, that one thing alone made this party worth going to. You had eyes and ears around the room, so you could pluck the best pro tip you heard and have two or three people share with the whole group in that moment. I thought that was pretty awesome.
Nick: That’s an advanced tip. You should be going through life collecting the interesting people that you meet.
Why is this helpful? It helped me launch a multi-million dollar business called Museum Hack, which was launched on the back of the network I built from hosting all of these events.
I hear from a lot of people: “Oh my God, I’m going to do a startup party, I’m going to do a launch party for my new app.” And I say, “Awesome, perfect. How many events have you hosted? When was the last event you hosted?” And they say, “Oh, I’ve never hosted anything.” I’m like, bro — you have a cold list. In real life, nobody knows you. No offense, but this is not going to be a successful launch party. You need to start by hosting little events and building up.
By the way, the perfect size for a happy hour in my opinion is about 15 to 22 people. I could talk forever about this, but I wrote a book called The Two-Hour Cocktail Party that is really more like a workbook or a step-by-step guide that helps you actually do it. And if you want to go through a cohort, you give me $100 — at the end of hosting your first party, I’ll give you the $100 back. That’s how it works. Hosting might change your life.
The Nick Gray Party Epidemic in Austin [00:12:00]
Sam: The book made you like the king of the introverts, because I had so many introverted friends who read the book and they started hosting Nick Gray parties. I would be walking around Austin at like 7:00 at night — in Austin all the bars are outdoor bars — and I would see multiple Nick Gray parties happening all throughout downtown Austin.
They would be in a circle. We would call them “Name Tag Nick” parties, so they always had Nick’s name tags, and they would be in a circle with someone in the middle pointing — exactly like he tells you to do in the book. I swear to God, on one one-mile walk through East Austin I saw three Nick Gray parties — one at Lazarus, one at Whistler’s, and one at another bar. It was insane. You were the king of the introverts for a handful of months.
Nick: When I was in Austin, so many of you were doing it. The reason people are doing this is that we are all hungry for in-person events. We’re digitally saturated. We want that human connection. And I found that you can add value to people by introducing them to other interesting people.
If you’re looking for a business idea, if you’re looking to raise your status in the world, you have to start by adding value. Hosting a party and introducing the interesting people you know — that is a way you can add value.